The Tables Have Turned...

After looking at an email from the manager of the Finland team, its official, I am scheduled to get on a flight Tuesday the 12th getting into Helsinki the next night. They want me to try out for up to 14 days. I told them that I would be able to get myself most of the way there (to London) and so they decided that would be great and paid for the rest of the way. This try out is a little different then some I have been on. They will be giving me a little pocket money every day and also lunch and dinner will be provided. I hope I am what they want in a player and a proper contract is negotiated. If all goes well, I will be there until April. I am excited but trying not to get overly excited since I am not even there yet. Once I board that plane here at LAX, I will be pumped and ready to go. I looked at the weather yesterday and the temperature is a chilly 45 degrees! Good bye California weather, hello Scandinavia. I think after living in weather like that for over 7 years now I am pretty used to it. We will see how freezing it gets, knowing me it will probably be the coldest winter they have had in 80 years!

Waiting Game is Not Done With Me Yet....

I got an email from my manager telling me that the Finland team doesn't have money right now to take me, so their answer is regretably, no at the moment. Yes, I am upset about it, I have been waiting for this answer for 3 weeks. I was very excited about it in the beginning because they were talking contract details and so on. This is how it goes, this is a business. I can only hope that they really didn't have the money and what they really think is that they don't like the way I play. Either way, its a huge bummer for me. I had a bad feeling about it after they could not get back to us after the 2nd week. Now I wait for another job to arise. Until then I will continue to train and stay in shape as much as I can, only drinking a 12 pack of beer right now seems like the only answer to this crappy day. Kidding of course.

Tangoriro Alpine Crossing, New Zealand 2009

The North Island of New Zealand was the first place I had visited that I thought I could possibly create a permanent residence in the future, Sweden was the second. I arrived at the Auckland International airport to a barely rising sun at 4:30am. I couldn't believe that I was finally there after a grueling 12 and half hour flight over the pacific ocean, (terrifying for me and the woman with the oxogen mask on next to me) and not a wink of sleep. Exhausted and probably looking frazzled, I made my way through customs and the doors to the waiting area to see my then boyfriend standing there with a huge smile on his face. Out in the parking lot a surprise was waiting for me, our house on wheels for the next month. I couldn't wait to begin the adventure that was to be my life for the whole month of April. On our way to the first rest stop and napping location, I stared out the window, admiring everything that lay ahead of me. The entire island was waking up and I was there to witness its first look on the day. The islands main production of livestock, sheep, were calling out to their friends and family, beginning their day job of grazing bright and early. Cars flowed into the city as people filed into their respective buildings for the 9 to 5 grind. The slight cloud cover made the sunrise look exotic, I was definitely aware that I was not in Manhattan Beach anymore, that thought alone made me smile knowing I was on vacation, finally. I could already tell it was going to be a trip that I would never forget and be forever grateful of the experiences I would come across in the coming days. 

Since we were only going drive/camp around the North Island and had only a month, we decided to stop at the most important and memorable areas of the island. One of my most memorable moments, mentally and physically, of the trip was the ever challenging 19 kilometer Tangariro Alpine Crossing in the Tongariro National Park. My boyfriend at the time warned me that this was going to be a challenging hike for the both of us, but anyone who knows me, knows I'm always up for a challenge when it comes to fitness, I always try to finish what I've started. I was ready, excited, it looked like a long hike but we had all day so what was there to stop us. We began the hike at the Mangatepopo car park. What is interesting about this 19 klick hike is the terrain changes from arid desert, over mountain tops, to damp thick forest climate at the end.  We started the hike with sun protective clothing on, bottled water, and trail mix in tow. The beginning was steady and easy to tackle, the trail was previously cut out and not to steep. That all changed when we reached Soda Springs, the first rest stop on the trail map. Once we arrived there, all we saw in front of us was a rather steep incline. Perfect, was my only thought. Looking up at the top of the South Crater (which wasn't really the "top") we began our ascent. I would be lying to say that it was a piece of cake, it sure as hell was not. Luckily, there were steps put in by the DOC that helped…a little. I felt like I was on a never ending stair master. My knees, hip flexors, and toes were beginning their "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!" stage. 

After reaching the top of the South Crater, took a short rest, and snapped some pictures we soldier on to the top of the Red Crater (the top top). There really wasn't a clear path to take so I followed my boyfriend, who was racing up the hill at an incredible speed. I tried to take the steps he took, losing my way every once in a while, realizing I had taken a wrong turn and doubled back to try again. Seeing as there were steep cliff like drops on either side of the "trail", I had to maneuver myself up against a boulder or cling to the ground when other determined hikers passed going the opposite way, as to not accidentally lose my footing and go a tumbling down the mountain that I had struggled up thus far. The wind didn't help my nerves about how high we were getting either. Once I peaked, sweating and out of breath, I could start breathing easy again, everywhere I looked was beautiful. The peak looked down on the Red Crater, that was, wait for it, actually the color Red. I held my camera over the edge of the cliff over look and snapped away.  I can be afraid of heights sometimes, especially when there is no protective railing to break a fall. I felt like we were on top of the world up there. It was a clarifying moment. Starting our descent, we came across an over look of the Emerald Lakes. The water in these lakes were so vibrant and eye poppingly beautiful. Each lake was 3 different shades of green, blue, and brown. After not seeing a lot of people on the trail it was odd to see so many on the peak, snapping pictures and eating lunch.  Wasting little time after reaching the peak we headed back down with one final incline and then it was all down hill from there on out. As we started down, I realized we were no longer walking on solid ground. Sheet rock covered the trail, great. As I slide almost entirely on my ass, doing a half split just to entertain the on lookers around me, my partner was pretty much running/levitating down the steep hill to Central Crater which was our next destination on the map. He only fell once, looked like it hurt though. 

Once We got to Central Crater, it flattened out for a nice walk to the next incline, another steep one, which I yet again had to cling to the mountain side while people passed going the other direction. The name of the next stop was Blue Lake after that it was home free and down hill…which was just as hard as up hill. I tried not to depend on my toes to brace myself but I couldn't help it. My thighs and hip flexers basically told me to go screw myself and my toes were starting to burn. We walked down through some gorgeous scenery, over looking the valley and the tail end of the hike which ended in the forest. We could also see and smell the steam seeping out of the hillside from sulfur vents. The next part of our hike was sort of a blur. We were supposed to be at the car park at the end of the hike at 4pm to get picked up and taken back to our car. We got to Ketetahi Hut, the last stop before the finish line at 3pm…it was supposed to take an hour and a half to get to the car park, we didn't have an hour and a half. Thats when we looked at one another and began to run. Side stepping and jogging down the steps embedded in the trail, we passed surprised hikers along the way. Once we hit the trail leading into the forest my legs were jello, I couldn't feel the pain anymore, I prayed that I didn't bite it and go flailing face first into the ground. It had taken us 30 minutes to get to the forest, we had 30 minutes left before our ride left. We stopped for a few seconds by the rushing creek side to snap a few pictures, that ended up coming out blurry, oh well. At this time, my steps were heavy and labored, my legs flailed, I had no control over the lower half of my body anymore. We broke free of the trees, frantically asking where Frank, our ride was. The man we asked pointed at a van that was fast on its way down the road towards the destination of our car. We missed it. After all that we missed our damn ride. All I could do was smile, we had made it and I was exhausted. We both collapsed on a picnic table and waited for Frank to come back an hour later. As I drifted in and out of consciousness, all I could think about was what an accomplishment it had been completing the trail, the fact that we ran the last part, and how good a beer would taste once we got home. It was a grueling hike and at that moment I was sure I didn't want to do it again for a while. However,  now that I have had time to recover (a lot of time) I would definitely do the trail again with out hesitation.

I would have pictures for it but I need to find them, oops. Once I do I will gladly put them up!

The Waiting Game

Its been about 2 weeks since I first heard that there was a team in Finland who is interested in me coming to play for them. A friend of mine and fellow gingerette plays for them and was telling me one night how they were in need of a right side or attacker. They were most likely going to bring one on after Christmas. I told her that I have played right side before and was pretty good at it. She gave the coach my info, video, and then left everything else to chance. I wasn't thinking to much of it because of the luck I was having that entire summer with club teams so I sort of put the thought of playing in the back of my mind. A couple days later that same friend brought me good news, they were interested.

With in the same day I got in contact with the team manager and things started to get going. Informed my agent about what was happening and so from there contract details were beginning to take place. It was like everything happened over night. I was excited but tried to keep myself calm because nothing was signed or for certain. They decided they wanted me to come for a try out and were trying to figure out flight details and so on. Now I am waiting to hear when I will be flying out to Finland. Its been a bit of a waiting game to say the least, it always is. But they have repeatedly said they are sorry for the delays and that they would know shortly. I can only hope I find out soon because in my mind I am starting to worry they are going to change their minds. Well fingers crossed and hoping for the best.

Summers End Continued

Considering the problems I have been having with volleyball, leaving loved ones, and trying to stay in shape, it really hasn't been all stress and hard times this summer. You can't have bad times with out good times, thats the truth. I went to Lake Havasu for the first time ever with a bunch of old high school friends, who all together are one hilarious comedy show. Example: highlight of the weekend was when one of them decided to eat half an apple pie, spit off some insanely funny one-liners, zambonie vodka off an already filthy kitchen floor, and almost pass out with a half eaten bowl of ice cream and pie in his lap. We have all been there at one time or another I am sure, but maybe all of that doesn't usually happen in one night, for him it did. Thanks for making me almost pee myself laughing.

When you travel for a long time and come back to Manhattan Beach, it's almost as if you never left. Of course there are a few small things that change, like the rebuilding of El Sombrero on Highland, the opening of a new restaurant down town, or the ridiculousness that is Sand Dune Park now (reservations and 5 bucks to use the dune for an hour?....please!). But for the most part its business as usual when I get home after being gone for a while. I was asked to play in numerous dress up volleyball tournaments like the Smackfest, Lushness, Ooosshh, the Gillis, and Six Man. I played in them all, unfortunately not winning any of them....oh well, theres always next summer. The 6-man this year I thought was the best one they have had in a long time. I get that people were pissed about the music, alcohol, and security situations, but really, people got around the system. I was happy that I wasn't pushing people out of my way to hit a ball. That was frustrating enough how crowded it was last year. The team I was on, "Team Good Stuff", placed 9th which is the highest ranked team I have ever been on at the tournament, so cheers to that. I have one final tournament to play this summer and its an Ace tournament. Should be comedy.  

Traveled down South to my grandparents house in Carlsbad a few times as well. I always love going to their house, I can relax and not worry about anything when I am there. They live on a lagoon that empties out into the ocean, so from the guest house windows all you see is water and hear the soft humming of the distant freeway. My grandparents have traveled everywhere and it shows in the decor of their house and from the books they have lining the shelves. Not to say they are pack rats in the least, their style is very clean and cultured. They love to have European style breakfast (meaning coffee and toast) and read the paper. If they could live in France for the rest of their lives, they would. Both can talk for hours about their first trip abroad or how to execute a perfect strategic chess move. I love this. 

I turned 25 this year, wow, thats a big number. It's weird how fast time goes when you'r not paying attention or having to much fun. Which is another reason why I am starting this blog, so I can look back and read what I have done or take time to slow down and remember the good and the bad. I hope to take this year and make it worth while. To expand my horizons so to speak. Maybe rent a car even...it's legal for me to do now so why not, just make sure you watch out, I can be an aggressive driver. Three friends are having a conjoined birthday party tonight...what do you get for one you hang out with all the time, one you have met/hung out with twice, and one you barely know? Birthday cards all around and Tequila shooters should do the trick!

Summers End

4th Street Manhattan Beach Lifeguard Tower

Sandy shot, Rosecrans MB

Just as fast as the summer arrived, it is leaving us at the same speed. Teasing us with the deep blue, cloudless sky and warm weather....thanks mother nature! However the ocean is still jaw clenching-ly freezing (at least to us Californians). Thank you summer for your June Gloom lasting until August and your cold weather that I thought I had left back in Sweden. Thank you for giving me sun burned shoulders on a cloudy day. Thank you for forcing me to wear a sweatshirt on 4th of July. Thank you summer for scaring all the tourist with your ominous clouds and cold breezes mid summer. Thank you for putting our lifeguards into endless boredom watching calm, cold, empty water. Thanks for the incredible heat wave and huge waves you brought us mid August, I'm sure all the kids going back to school loved that one. Thanks. The weather wasn't all that was troublesome for me this summer. In fact it was at the very bottom of my list of worries. 


I left my second home, Sweden, May 4th. Arriving back to the states with a heavy heart, feeling like something was missing. Having to depart from my friends who had become like family to me was extremely hard. My best friend Sara and my Swedish Dad Ulf were the worst. After partying with my teammates 3 nights in a row, it was time to go. Ulf drove my Mom, Dad, Sara and myself to the train station in Angelholm. Sara and I were pretty much silent the entire ride because we knew if we tried talking we would cry. I felt like I was leaving for college again and saying goodbye to my high school friends. Call me a crybaby or emotional basket case, but this is what happens when you leave the people who made you feel so welcome in their country, in their homes and a part of their families. But there is some comfort in knowing that I will see these people again, I know this. We got to the train station and said our goodbyes. I actually saw a few tears well up in Ulf's Swedish blue eyes. Sara and I were trying to keep smiling and promising each other that a trip was going to be planned and that we will see each other soon. Red eyed and exhausted from all the hugs, kisses, and crying, we boarded the train watching Ulf and Sara wave up at us while it slowly left the station. That's when I stopped talking for the majority of the trip to Norway. The unhappiness of leaving had set in. 


The summer began with my arrival back to the US of A. It was bitter sweet. I was happy to be home but I felt weird being back. It had been such a long time since I had seen Manhattan Beach and all who goes with it, I had to re accustom myself a bit. Took me maybe 2 or 3 weeks to fully accept that I was going to be home for a while. Then I got the news that the club I played for wasn't going to need me back for the up coming season. Well, I was shocked to say the least. They said they wanted me back and then this. I talked to Sara about it and naturally she felt the same. Luckily my Mom was there to talk me through it and also to have a couple drinks with me. A friend came by later that night to cheer me up and make me laugh a bit. Since then I have "fired" my agent, signing with a new agency, a smaller one, and have been waiting to get another contract. It hasn't been easy but I will continue to push. To keep in volleyball shape I have been training on the beach and indoors. The beginning of the summer I started out strong and ambitious. I was ready to get going, to make things happen. I didn't want to make the same mistake I did last summer, being unprepared to go to work if and when I signed to another team. I had no distractions this time, I was ready. However, if you have ever played a team sport you know it is a lot easier to train when you have someone, a coach or teammate, pushing you through work outs. I was alone for the majority of my training. When I started to work for a local indoor club, that is when my support group grew. I worked the clubs camps and 2 weeks into them we began to practice for 2 hours after the camps were done. This was huge for me, getting to practice indoors, working on everything. Plus the people I worked with would coach me every so often which I invited them to do always. I respect them and their coaching me was important. Even though I tended to slack every once in a while this summer, I feel like I have kept myself in shape. When you know you don't have to do something, it makes it all the more difficult to do it. Being an athlete, I feel I can never sit still for too long. 


Besides digging for volleyball contracts, I have also been sifting around for jobs coaching in Australia and New Zealand. After sending what felt like 100 emails to both countries, I talked to a friend from New Zealand and told him what I was doing. He chuckled and then told me I was going about it all wrong, he said "all coaches for sports in high school there are volunteers only!" I was stunned. He then told me that he could try to get my foot in the door with New Zealand's volleyball association as a developer or officer. Only problem, there are 3 positions and so availability is sometimes sparse. I got one response back from OZ and she gave me advice on which schools to look up and to become a PE teacher instead. Sounds good to me. So contract or not, I will continue to dig around for jobs in those two countries. I absolutely loved New Zealand and have wanted to go to Australia since I was a little kid. Until then you will find me at the beach either running, playing, or sleeping. Take care!